


Your winter

by Imaginesfordayss



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Marvel - Freeform, Smut, natasha romanov - Freeform, sad things prolly, sam wilson - Freeform, sort of, steve rogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 17:44:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8632504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imaginesfordayss/pseuds/Imaginesfordayss
Summary: You used to be partners in crime with the former winter soldier, now living in the Avengers tower, you have to learn about the man they call Bucky Barnes.





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t easy to love him then, and it certainly wasn’t easy to love him now. You didn’t ask for this life, not to say that he did either but it was the one you were given and you would make the most of it.

You only ever knew the winter soldier, you had no past with James Barnes, you didn’t know the man he was before Hydra. The cold exterior was all you ever knew. You had been thrown into all of this same as him, no recollection of who you were, only a mission. And you were good, but never the best, he always held that title. The only highlight of your time at Hydra were the missions you went on with him.

He trained you, showed you every way to kill a man without leaving a trace that you were ever there. He wasn’t soft on you but sometimes, he was lenient. You noticed that he’d pull his punches when you were starting to wobble on your feet. And he never yelled at you like he did with the others, he didn’t reprimand you for messing up, only encouraging you to try again and do better.

Maybe that’s why you became so good, you wanted to impress him, you wanted him to be proud and respect you. He wasn’t an easy man to impress but sometimes when you finally pinned him down to the floor, he’d have this glint in his eye like you surprised him, once you could have sworn that he even smiled but it was gone as soon as it appeared.

The first time you were with him intimately was on one of your missions. He was tasked with assassinating some high ranking politician and you were tasked with being his look out. The mission itself had gone smoothly enough, you only had to take out a few guards in the process.

After, you had 26 hours before you needed to report back to the Hydra base. It was rarely ever like this, leisure time was a foreign concept for you both. You lounged around in separate rooms of your shared cabin. It was an old place somewhere in the woods where no one would think to look. The wood in the cabin was rotted and you could hear every step he took from the creak of the floorboards next door.

Before you had the chance to get some rest, you heard a knock at your door. You didn’t respond but he barged in anyway. He looked conflicted. “I’ve never been out this long.”

“Me neither.” He almost smiled at that. In the blink of an eye, he had pulled you up. For a second you thought it was some sort of training, like he wanted to make sure you were still on your game but instead, he smashed his mouth against yours. The way he kissed you wasn’t gentle or sweet, it was rough and animalistic, it was him sliding you up against the wall so hard that you could feel your back bruising. And you matched every step of his with one of your own. You dragged your nails down his bare back, your teeth found their way to your neck while his hands descended down your body inch by inch. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this way, the last time you had such a need to feel someone else’s skin on your own. 

He was unrelenting in every way, with his mouth, with his hands, with the intensity of his thrusts. After your own blissful climax came his own and by then, your throat felt hoarse from screaming out for him. There were no words spoken between the two of you after, he silently got up and went back to his room.

It happened again on your next mission with him, this time, it was no surprise when he came into your room. You made the first move, sinking down to your knees in front of him and unlatching the front of his combat pants. You took him in your mouth as deep as you could go, mentally grinning when you heard him groan above you. You felt his hands slip into your hair, guiding your mouth. After a few more moments, he pulled away from you pulling you to your feet and back against the desk. His calloused fingers made quick work of your clothes, ripping off anything that took too long to take off. He wasn’t any less rough than what you remembered before but this time seemed to be a bit less frenzied. He was taking his time with you, savoring the moment. And just as before, he left quietly when you were both done.

Each of your missions ended like this, you looked forward to it. You still weren’t sure what to make of it. Being with him felt right, it felt damn right amazing but there was a disconnect. In a life like this, you couldn’t go further than late night hook ups. There was no ‘us’ to look forward too, even if there were, you wouldn’t know where to start. You were thankful that he’d leave each night so that you didn’t have too. You noticed that the only time he had ever kissed you was that first time. It was smart, kissing was, in a way more intimate than what the two of you were doing. It indicated an attachment of some sort, you both needed to make it clear that it was an arrangement based on mutual pleasure, the need to satiate a desire for human affection, nothing beyond that. Yet, some nights you’d catch yourself lying awake and dreaming up scenarios of more. A life with him, a deeper connection beyond your lust, maybe even love.

You’d imagine what he was before Hydra, he must of been handsome. You wondered if he was one of those guys that constantly had women begging for a date with him. Not that he wasn’t nice to look at now but you knew behind the shaggy hair and the battle scars, he must of been a masterpiece. Did he want children before all of this, did he have a wife? You never voiced these thoughts to him.

As the years wore on, you saw him less but you saw the doctors more. They were never satisfied with your condition, never happy about how strong you were or how many missions you completed without complications, they always expected better of you. When he was away it usually meant you’d spend your time being injected instead of training. You spent the 1980s in a drugged daze. You learned very quickly that fighting back didn’t help, half the time you were to weak to try. You hoped he was doing better than you.

The next time you woke, you found yourself surrounded by new equipment and faces you didn’t recognize. “Sir, the patient is awake.”

“Where am I?” The doctor looked puzzled.

“You’re in a hospital miss, you’ve been unconscious for quite a while now. Do you know your name?” Your name? Did you have a name? You didn’t recall ever having a name, in fact, you didn’t recall much of anything.

“No, I don’t, I don’t know.”

“Okay okay, well we don’t need to dwell on it now, what’s important is that you get better.”

“What’s wrong with me?” This question seemed to make the doctor uncomfortable, he looked down at the clipboard in from of him.

“Some of the nurses found you, said you were dropped off by an unmarked van in front of the emergency doors..no identification or anything. Our initial reports showed severe head trauma, which could account for the memory loss..you also sustained major blood loss and an unidentified toxin was found in your blood. We’re not really sure what happened or who did this but we’ve checked your vitals over and over and you are definitely healing faster than we expected. We’ve sent trace amounts of the unidentified toxin to a lab so hopefully we’ll find out what was in your system soon enough.” It was a lot to take in, you didn’t remember hurting your head but to be fair, you also couldn’t remember where you were or how the hell you’d gotten here.

You remembered bits and pieces throughout your time at the hospital, Hydra, your missions, Winter, injections, the cold. You had no clear timeline of events but you managed to piece together memories even when most of them made no sense to you. Certain feelings resurfaced with certain flashes of memories. You felt your heartbeat pick up and a sense of fondness when you thought back on the man with long shaggy hair and a metal arm but you felt an overwhelming sense of fear and nausea when you remembered the dark room with the needles and the table.

Your doctor came in one morning, looking as pale as a sheet and you knew immediately that something was wrong. “Bad news, doc?”

“We got those test results back.” Your stomach dropped.

“So...what is it?”

“Well there’s actually someone here to talk to you about it, they can explain it better than I can. His name is Doctor Banner.” Another doctor stepped in the room, he looked tired but there was a soft aura surrounding him. You felt an immediate sense of trust when he smiled at you.

“Hi there, I’m Bruce, Bruce Banner. I study the effects of gamma radiation, among other things. That’s uh, what we found in your blood.”

“You found radiation in my blood?”

“Sort of, it was mixed with a chemical, one which I haven’t ever seen before. It has the same molecular structure as a serum called compound B13, I’ll explain a bit more about it later. For now, you should know that this chemical in your body is changing your genes. Somehow it’s been able to attach itself to your DNA and manipulate it. We’re not sure yet if this has any physical effects but I would like to observe you for the time being, run some blood tests. Would that be okay?” The idea made you nervous, you had a bad history with doctors running tests on you.

“I guess. Will, will it hurt?”

“No no of course not. Until you’re well enough to leave the hospital we won’t be doing anything.” You breathed a sigh of relief. “I was hoping that you would be okay if we moved you to a different facility, one that’s a bit more secure and more...fitting, for this type of situation.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you should know that something similar happened to me and it gave me these..powers, for lack of better word. The place I’d be taking you to is full of people with the same sort of abilities, we’re sort of a team.”

“What do you guys do there?”

“We live there mostly and we train there. The world calls us the Avengers, a sort of team of super heroes. But really, we’re all just regular people trying to keep the world safe. You’d be safe there, I promise.” You smiled at him. Superheroes? It sounded silly to you but if it meant you’d be out of harms way you were willing to go along with it.

You were discharged from the hospital in record time, literally. The doctors and nurses couldn’t believe how quickly your wounds healed, you were just happy to be out of that uncomfortable white gown. Bruce had taken you back to the tower, offering you a tour of the place. It was sweet of him, he was kinder than most people you had encountered. He promised to introduce you to the team when you finally got settled.

You let yourself relax and even indulged in a hot bath, washing away the hospital scent you’d been wearing for the past few days. The next morning, you decided to give yourself a tour of the place, it was early. When you stepped out the building seemed to be silent so you ventured on. It was impressive. Everything looked so new, every inch of the place was covered in some shiny technology. You couldn’t believe it when Bruce told you about the computer that ran the place.

“What do you mean it talks?”

“Well you can ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. anything, the weather, your vitals, pop culture, anything.”

“That is...creepy and amazing at the same time.”

“You get used to all of it, I promise. Plus, you’re not the only one here that’s from a different time.”

Eventually you made your way back to the kitchen area, you could hear various voices speaking as you got closer. It made you nervous. What if they rejected you because of who you used to be? Bruce had said he’d been able to track down some files about you which meant they had to know who you used to ‘work’ for. You took a deep breath and entered.

“Y/n! Good to see you up and about, guys this is Y/n, I told you all about her last week.” Bruce said from his seat at the corner, your cheeks reddened, you never liked having the attention to yourself. A tall blonde with a broad smile got up and walked over to you.

“I’m Steve Rogers, you can call me Steve, welcome to the team.” You gave him a weak smile, shaking the hand he offered to you. He turned to the rest of the table, “You already know Bruce but that’s Thor, Clint, Natasha, Sam, Wanda, Tony, Vision, and Bucky. And don’t worry, we won’t get mad if you forget our names, we’re a handful.” He chuckled but your mind was already preoccupied with something..someone else. The man at the end of the table, Bucky, his head was down but you could just barely make out his features. Shoulder length brown hair, high cheek bones, blue eyes, but what gave him away was the metallic glint of his left arm that was barely peeking out through his long sleeved shirt.

You almost laughed to yourself, it had been so long since you’d seen him and you would have never guessed that you’d both get out of Hydra and meet each other again but there he was in all his glory, your Winter. But it seemed, your mouth had a mind of it’s own and words tumbled out of your mouth before you could stop them.

“Winter?” His head snapped up to locate the voice he didn’t think he’d ever hear again. He didn’t move beyond that or acknowledge you but the rest of the team seemed to be waiting for either of you to make a move. When you didn’t, Steve continued to talk as if the whole moment hadn’t even happened.

“Bruce told us about your past and we just want you to know that you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want too..you should feel safe here.”

“Thank you. I’m gonna head back to my room for a bit.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You used to be partners in crime with the former winter soldier, now living in the Avengers tower, you have to learn about the man they call Bucky Barnes.

Bucky remained a mystery to you for the next few days, you weren’t sure if he was avoiding you or perhaps, he didn’t even remember. But the way he had reacted when he heard you call him by his old nickname made you think otherwise.

The others on the team were welcoming, helping you out whenever you couldn’t figure out how to use the coffee machine with way too many buttons or when you got lost trying to find your way to the gym. You mainly spoke to Steve and Natasha, both of whom seemed to sympathize with your situation for different reasons. Natasha understood what it felt like to be molded into a killer and Steve knew the struggle of being thrown into a world that you didn’t recognize. Late one night, he opened up to you about Bucky.

“I blame myself for what they did to him..if I had moved faster or taken down that Hydra agent, he wouldn’t have fallen, he wouldn’t be where he is now. It’s the biggest regret I have and now that I have him back, I just want him to have the life that he deserved. He was a good man, he still is, he’s just...there are still days where I can see how much Hydra affected him, how much they tortured him.”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself Steve, accidents happen ya know. What Hydra did to him, what they did to us, that’s on them. They made the monster. He’s a lot different than how I remember him.”

“How long did you know him, well, the winter soldier? I knew you two went on a lot of missions together from the files we found on the both of you but...”

“A few decades at least. He taught me everything I know. We weren’t close but we worked together well, I can’t even count the number of missions we went on together...he was the kindest person I knew there..” Steve stared at you for a while with an unreadable expression.

“Were you ever anything...more?”

“There were no relationships in Hydra. We let off steam, sure, but that’s all it was, that’s all it could ever be.” You tried to hide your disheartened expression from him.

“He asks about you, you know?” You turned to see whether Steve was joking or not.

“Asks about what?”

“What you remember, if you’re okay, things like that. I think that he cares about you. I mean, obviously you have history. Did you ever wonder if there could be more for the both of you if you got out of Hydra?”

“We didn’t get the luxury of having our own thoughts very often.”

“Well maybe now is your chance.” You laughed.

“Come on Steve, be serious. Two ex-brainwashed assassins can’t possibly have any sort of healthy relationship even if that is something the both of us wanted.”

“Is it?”

“Is it what?”

“What you want.”

“Let’s not talk about this Steve..”

“Just think on it. I’m not saying you two should just go out and get married, but I think you’d be surprised by how much he’s changed from the brainwashed assassin you used to know.”

“Yeah yeah, go play matchmaker with Wanda, loverboy.” You laughed shoving Steve out of your room before he could propose any more insane ideas.

_______________

It became a lot harder to avoid him once Natasha suggested you train with her. Suddenly it was like he was everywhere, including your own thoughts. Late at night when you couldn’t sleep, the image of him occupied your thoughts. You remembered what he used to be, the cold exterior, the ridiculously tight tactical outfits they put him in. Something about the memory of him brought comfort to you, apart from the sex obviously. You missed his presence in your life even if it wasn’t intimate. He was there, he had your back and even amidst the years of torture and bloodshed, you held feelings for him. Feelings that you still didn’t quite understand.

“He’s staring at you.”

“What?” Your moment of confusion gave Natasha the upper hand, sending you flying onto the mats. She leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“Barnes’ eyes are attached to you.” You snapped your head to the right and sure enough there he was barely dodging punches from Sam with his eyes on you instead of his sparring partner. You felt your face flush in embarrassment at the realization that he just watched you get slammed onto the floor. That’s not what I taught you you could here the soldier’s voice seething in your head. The thought gave you a new sense of determination to beat Natasha. It was strange how you still seemed to seek his approval even when you were no longer in a position to need it. Maybe now, you wanted it, you wanted him to think highly of you but for different reasons.The rest of your training consisted of knocking Nat to the floor as many times as you could before she tapped out.

“Jesus christ, you were like the terminator out there.” You gave her a confused look. “Oh right, you haven’t seen that...anyway, are you gonna talk about this thing with you and Barnes or are we gonna ignore what happened back there?”

“Ignore what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She smirked at your deflection.

“Well, as soon as I pointed out that he was literally eye-fucking you, you just seemed to pull some kind of super-human strength out of your ass.”

“I am a super soldier Natasha, and an assassin, is it really that surprising that I would be able to do that? And he was not doing that.”

“If you wanna be in denial, go ahead but you and Barnes have a history, we all know that, eventually you’re going to have to talk to him.” You rolled your eyes hoping she’d change the topic. You already knew all of this but remaining in denial and ignoring that he was constantly around was easier than facing him and facing your feelings. “Come on let’s grab lunch.”

____________

“You need to talk to Bucky.” Steve entered your room disregarding that you were in no way decently dressed and that it was almost midnight.

“Jesus christ Rogers, couldn’t this wait until morning, or never?”

“If I have to answer one more question for him about you, I’m gonna lose it. Please, talk to him.”

“I can’t.”

“You can, you know each other, you’ve known each other a long time.”

“No Steve, we killed together. We were tortured together. Look I wasn’t honest with you before, Bucky wasn’t just my teacher, we were intimate like really really intimate and being here with him, it brings back so many different emotions and I don’t know if I’m ready to face them yet. I was just a good fuck to him, okay? But all those nights with him, they meant something to me and now that i’m free and my mind is my own, I just, I can’t see this going somewhere, not with our history.” You looked up at him, tears pooling in your eyes.

“Listen, I know it’s hard, I know all of this is hard but if you care about him, isn’t it worth a try? To get to know him, to know who he is outside of Hydra? You will never know until you try Y/n. Please, just talk to him, you don’t need to be friends with him but you’ve been here two months, you’re practically part of the team at this point, and you two haven’t said a word to each other.”

“Fine Steve.”

“Thank you...you know I want the best for the both of you.”

“I know, now let me sleep Capsicle.” You joked with him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You used to be partners in crime with the former winter soldier, now living in the Avengers tower, you have to learn about the man they call Bucky Barnes.

The next morning, you made your way over to the communal kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee and as your luck would have it Bucky was there as well. You thought back on Steve’s request and decided it was worth a try.

“Good morning.” He seemed shocked by your words, though they were completely normal.

“Uh, hi, yeah, good morning too.” You chuckled at his flustered response.

“You want some coffee?”

“Yeah, yeah that’d be great..thanks.” His voice was soft, far softer than what you were used too. You’d never seen him like this before, sweatpants, a faded Yankees t-shirt, and messy morning hair. It all felt weirdly domestic, a feeling that you were not familiar with at all but you went along with it and sat across from him at the dining table. His hair was shorter, or perhaps more taken care of, you noticed the light stubble growing on his chin, and the small laugh lines that were beginning to form on his face. He looked older and his eyes were no longer cold and empty, they held a gentleness to them. It became much easier to read him this way. 

“Sugar?”

“Uh, what?”

“Would you like some, like in your coffee?”

“No, black is fine.” You slid his cup across the table. The next few moments were spent in awkward silence as you sipped on your sweetened coffee and he continued to eat his bagel. You could feel his curious eyes examining you each time you went for another sip of your drink. He broke the silence first, “So, how are you?”

“I’m adjusting, but it’s okay, everyone’s really nice..” You trailed off.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.” You looked down at your hands suddenly really interested in them.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here, I mean, we’re all glad you’re here and stuff..”

“Thanks.” Soon enough Steve entered the kitchen, seeing the both of you together made him smile. He came to the table, breaking the tension between the both of you. When the rest of the team woke up and headed to the kitchen, you found the perfect moment to slip away and head back to your room. You realized, it was the longest conversation the two of you had ever had. Sure, you had talked before but the constant surveillance at Hydra didn’t really give you the chance to have heart-to-hearts often.   
___________

Though, after that morning, you found it easier to approach him and you noticed he’d occasionally find reasons to talk to you even for the simplest of things.

“Hey have you seen the remote?”

“No sorry, I think Sam’s been in the living room all day.”

“Alright...thanks.”

“No problem.”   
____________

“Have you seen the new Star Wars?” Bucky had said to you one evening on your way back from training

“What’s that?”

“They’re these movies about space.”

“That sounds cool.”

“Maybe we could watch them sometime.”

“Yeah that would be fun.” He smiled at you then and it took nearly all your willpower not to run headfirst into a wall. You had never seen him smile before, sure the winter soldier you had known would occasionally flash a smirk your way but this was different. This was a genuine happiness, the way he smiled lit up his whole face. It was the type of smile that could make flowers grow, it made your insides feel warm and mushy.

_____________

“So how’s the Bucky situation coming along?”

“Steve, I’m starting to think that you only talk to me to try to get me to hook up with your best friend, which I’ve already done by the way so.”

“Not true, I genuinely enjoy your company, I swear.” You sighed.

“It’s weird Steve. We talk, like you wanted but there’s tension there, it’s just small talk. He’ll tell me about a movie or ask me about the weather and then nothing.” You decided to leave out the part where you were trying desperately not to fall in love with the man and failing miserably.

“You’re both so stubborn.” He chuckled.  
____________  
“Miss Y/n?”

“Yes F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

“Mr. Banner would like to see you in the lab on floor 26 for some tests.”

“Let him know I’m on my way.” You reluctantly pulled yourself out of bed and made your way up to the lab. You paused when you got to the glass doors, realizing who else was in there.

“Hey Y/n, I hope you don’t mind, I’m doing tests on Bucky’s blood as well since it seems you both possess the same compound in your blood.”

“Not a problem at all.” You took a seat in the chair next to his, letting Bruce put various IV’s in your arm. Tests were always a long process, Bruce was in and out of the room so you knew you’d be alone with Bucky for who knows how long. 

“Like old times huh?” The soldier chuckled beside you. You gaped at him. “Sorry, bad joke..these tests bring up bad memories.”

“No..I get it, better to laugh about it then relive all of it.” Now it was his turn to look at you. His expression was soft, understanding.

“Can I be honest with you?” You perked up at this now giving him your full attention.

“I mean, go ahead.”

“I thought they killed you. After all those years, I never saw you, I thought they got rid of you.” You sat in silence for a while, unsure of what to say to back.

“There were times when I wished they had.”   
_____________

Tonight was one of the many nights that you spent tossing and turning in your sheets, mind plagued with nightmares. The doctors strapped you down, plunging syringes in your body but you didn’t pass out like you normally would. Instead they moved away from you, to a separate table, you recognized him immediately. They began to experiment on him, cutting into him and filling his body with unknown chemicals as he screamed and thrashed around. You wanted to help him wanted to yell for them to stop, to just use you instead.

‘Please don’t hurt him, just please use me. You can do anything to me, just don’t hurt Winter!’ But they didn’t listen, they continued as if you weren’t there, and you washed the blood gush out of his wounds as you both screamed for help, for death. You watched his mouth form words, realizing that it was your own name that he was screaming.

“Y/n, y/n wake up.” You woke suddenly, jumping out of your bed and into someone else’s arms. “Hey, hey it’s okay, you’re alright. You’re okay. I’ve got you. Shhh.” He whispered soothingly to you. Your hands were gripping the front of his shirt while you sobbed into his the crook of his neck. Your whole body shook as he rubbed circles into your back until your breathing calmed. You let yourself feel safe in his arms and really take in the details of being so close to him. The stubble on his chin tickled your cheek and he smelled faintly like pine trees and coffee. You felt yourself relax to his touch.

The two of you stayed in that position for a while, neither of you speaking. “How did you know?” You asked, your voice breaking.

“I heard you while I was coming back to my room. You were screaming..”

“Do you ever have nightmares?”

“Not so much anymore, but I used too. I used to dream of all my victims, I still do sometimes, Steve would hear me screaming and come calm me down. I heard you say Winter..”

“Yeah, uh I, you were in it.”

“Was I hurting you?” You could hear the hesitation in his voice.

“No, it wasn’t like that.” He breathed a sigh of relief.

“You know I would never hurt you, right?”

“Yeah, I know Bucky.” It was the first time you had ever said his name out loud, he liked the sound of his name coming from your lips.

“Good, that’s good.”

“Thank you. For calming me down.”

“It’s no problem, I’m always down the hall if you need me.” He made a move to get up, but you grabbed the sleeve of his arm before he could.

“Could you stay? Until I fall asleep..I mean, you don’t have to it’s just..”

“No, of course, yeah, I’ll just-” He laid down beside you, letting you rest your head on his shoulder, his prosthetic arm wrapping around you protectively. This was new territory for the both of you, sure you’d been intimate but you’d never slept beside him, you had never been held by him in any other way but sexual, but this, it felt good and for the the first time you let him see you completely vulnerable and unguarded. It felt like home.

___________

You were slightly disappointed to find that he was gone when you woke the next morning, the space beside you felt cold. It was so strange to find that within a few hours you had gotten used to having him there next to you. You went to get breakfast but stopped before you entered the kitchen when you heard Steve and Bucky talking.

“I saw you leave her room this morning.”

“Oh shut up punk, nothing happened.”

“Did you want something to happen?”

“She was having a nightmare, I just wanted to make sure she was okay.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Bucky remained silent but you heard Steve laugh at his friend and decided to enter at that moment. The pair of them turned around when they heard the soft padding of your feet against the hardwood floor.

“Good morning sunshine, how did you sleep?” Steve asked, ignoring the glare on his best friends face.

“Very well, and you?”

“Oh, just great.” Bucky however continued to just stare at you with almost glazed over eyes. You realized in that moment that you had forgotten to dress which meant that you were only wearing an oversized white t-shirt and lace panties, leaving almost nothing left to imagination. You grabbed the nearest cereal box, holding it against your chest to at least show some modesty. When you turned back around towards the boys, Steve’s back was facing you while he continued talking at Bucky about his latest mission while Bucky’s hungry eyes were still on you.

You decided in that moment to do a complete one-eighty and mess with the soldier. No harm in a little bit of teasing right. You put the cereal box on the counter beside you exposing your nearly bare breasts to the cold air and stretched your arms over your head until your t-shirt gave way to the black panties underneath as if you were just simply cracking your back. You closed your eyes and smiled when you heard the sharp intake of breath from Bucky in front of you.

“Uh, I need to go, Steve I’ll see you later.” Bucky hurriedly leapt from the table nearly toppling over his chair in the process. You were back to making your cereal by the time Steve turned around to give you a confused look.

“What did I say?”

“Guess he’s just on edge of something.” You smirked to yourself.

___________

It wasn’t that you enjoyed this new game of yours with Bucky, but it definitely made your days a lot more exciting. Whether it was ‘accidentally’ spilling things on your shirts while you were conveniently braless or wearing far more revealing clothes than you needed too, Bucky always got flustered. His face would turn bright red and he’d make up any excuse to leave the room. Nat caught on to your teasing pretty quickly.

“You should just hook up with him you know.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about you teasing Barnes all the time, he sees you and then he doesn’t know what to do with himself, it’s almost sad Y/n. Stop torturing the poor guy. When’s the last time you hooked up with him?”

“Uh, 1976?”

“Jesus christ. Get on with it already.”

“It’s not that easy Nat, I don’t want to just hook up..”

“Then you have to tell him how you feel.”

____________

You knew she was right, of course she was right, Nat was always right. You needed to tell Bucky that you had feelings for him. You had finally gathered up the courage to tell him by Saturday night. Most of the team was lounging around the tower or out at dinner so you figured if he flat out rejected you, at least no one would be around to see it.

You made your way over to his room, nervously waiting outside for a couple of minutes before finally deciding to knock. He didn’t come to the door at first and you had nearly decided to give up before he finally opened the door. You stood gaping at his shirtless, out of breath form.

“Oh hey y/n, what’s up?” You continued to let your gaze drift down his torso and down to his boxers before finally snapping out of it.

“Oh, hi, I, well I need to say something to you, and it’s, well it’s kind of impor-”

“Buck?” You heard a woman’s voice from inside the room. Bucky’s face filled with color as he looked down at you in confusion and embarrassment.

“Oh...I didn’t realize someone was with you.” He turned to the women in the room telling her he’d be right there, his door now wide enough that you could see her naked body half under the covers of his bed. And just like that, your heart sunk. You felt nauseous and most of all, stupid. Stupid for thinking that whatever you and him had meant anything and stupid for thinking that you and him could ever be anything more than that. You tried to keep your composure, quickly wiping off any stray tears that managed to slip down your cheeks before he could see them. At least in the dark light of the hallway, he couldn’t see your tear stained red eyes.

“Yeah, that’s Anna, she’s my, uh, girlfriend.” It was strange, how guilty he felt in that moment, he knew he shouldn’t after all he wasn’t doing anything wrong but the way that she looked at him when he turned back to look at her made him feel like someone had just crushed his chest with a 100 ton weight. “So, what did you need to tell me?”

You let out a shaky breath and managed your best fake smile, avoiding eye contact with him, 

“Oh it’s nothing, I think Steve needed you to look over some stuff, but it can wait. Good night.” You didn’t give him time to reply before turning and walking as fast as you could away from his room and into your own.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You used to be partners in crime with the former winter soldier, now living in the Avengers tower, you have to learn about the man they call Bucky Barnes.

You stayed in your room for days mentally punishing yourself for even letting your feelings get this far. You managed to get Steve and Nat off your back by pretending to be sick but you weren’t sure how much longer you could stay in your room before they would forcibly drag you out and make you socialize. You hadn’t told either of them about the other night with Bucky, it was embarrassing. You had managed to get turned down without actually getting turned down. Bucky wasn’t doing much better than you and Steve took notice, constantly badgering him about whatever had gotten him so down.

“Buck, come on, you’re not even trying.” Steve conceded as he slammed his friend to the mats for the sixth time. “Does this have something to do with y/n?” Bucky attempted to seem nonchalant about the mention of her but Steve picked up on the way his eyes lit up whenever someone brought her up.

“No, just tired, you know me and Anna are always up so late.” Bucky chuckled but it sounded ingenuine even to his own ears.

“Yeah..okay.” Steve changed the subject.

___________

“Oh no no no, if I have to go to this stupid gala then so do you.” Nat dragged you back out of your bathroom by your elbow. “Now pick one.”

“I’m really not in the mood.” You sighed.

“We’ll get a few drinks in you, chat up some rich bachelors and you will feel much better, trust me.” You let the tiniest smile slip on to your face, turning back to the dresses laid out on your bed. Most of them were too revealing but as you finally got to the bottom of the pile, you found one that caught your eye. It was a blue vintage ball gown, with a plunging neckline that wasn’t too revealing but would still show off enough to get people’s attention. It was simple, elegant, and it was you.

“This one.”

“I should have guessed that out of all of the dresses I picked out, you would want the vintage one.” She laughed. “It’s beautiful, you’re gonna look beautiful.” 

___________

You had never felt this nervous before, not before your first kill or all the times you ran into Bucky, but now you were truly nervous. You looked good and you knew it, that wasn’t the problem, the problem was that you knew Bucky would be there, with her.

You weren’t sure if you’d be able to keep it together at the sight of him with someone else. It wasn’t until you heard her voice in his room that you realized just how much you’d fallen for him in the short amount of time you’d spent in the tower. But you needed to do this, needed to be strong even though you wanted to go back to your room and crawl under the covers. The team had accepted you as one of their own so there was no getting out of living with them and that meant you needed to be able to hold it together in Bucky’s presence.

Nat had texted you saying she was just around the corner which meant you were officially out of time and running was no longer an option. She’d drag you back by your hair if you tried. When you got there, the party was already in full swing, the room filled to the brim with bodies, most of which you didn’t recognize.

It was easy to spot him, it’s like you had a radar for searching him out. She was there, hanging off his arm, talking at him animatedly. You had to admit, she was beautiful. They matched well together, and it killed you to admit it to yourself. He looked happy, at least from afar. Perhaps it really was time to move on, to find someone new, even if you didn’t want too. You turned away from them to find yourself a strong drink.

You didn’t notice how his eyes glided over your form, how he ignored Anna’s attempts to talk to him because he was more focused on how mesmerizing you looked in that dress. He found himself frowning at the thought that one way or another, you were always walking away from each other, he felt conflicted.

“Bucky? Are you listening?” He looked at the attractive woman beside him with sad eyes, she wasn’t the one he wanted to see, not the woman he wanted to be holding onto.

“I’m sorry Anna, I just, I can’t do this. You deserve a wonderful man, a man whose thoughts aren’t preoccupied with someone else. I can’t be that for you, I’m so sorry.” Bucky strode off in your direction, you of course were oblivious to the scene he had just made.You felt his presence before you felt him pull your arm, leading you out of the ballroom and into a darkened area of the building. You called him name repeatedly but he didn’t respond until he knew you two were far enough away from the crowd.

“Bucky. What the hell is going on?” He turned suddenly pushing you against the nearest wall, his arms blocking you on either side. The tension between you two was palpable in the air, like sparks of electricity flowing through the small space between your bodies. Bucky lifted his flesh hand to your face, lightly stroking down your cheek, freezing when he got to the bottom of your jaw.

“Buck?” He groaned at the gentleness in your voice when you said his name.

“Tell me to go, tell me to get out her. Tell me this is wrong.” He was so close to you that you could feel his warm breath over your face, it was intoxicating. Your whole body shook with need, a need you hadn’t felt since he was still the soldier. You lifted a shaky hand to him, threading your fingers through his long hair and receiving a low moan from him in return. “You have no idea what you’ve been doing to me for the past few months.” He whispered in your ear and the way his voice dropped to such a seductive level made you nearly come undone right there against the wall.

“What about Anna?”

“We’ll talk about it later. Right now, I want to talk about you, I want you, every sweet part of you.”

“Well, I’m not stopping you James.” It was another split second before his mouth collided with yours almost painfully, but the wait, the anticipation of this one moment, was so damn satisfying that you couldn’t complain.


End file.
